I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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