My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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