So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
