I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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