I wanna bring you to show and tell
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
