I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
