im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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