Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
