this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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