From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Less talking, more tequila
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
