You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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