I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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