They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
