He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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