Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
