So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
