I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize