Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
