She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize