he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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