So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
