She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
