so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
