sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
