the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
