Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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