Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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