my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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