We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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