Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
