Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
