I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In other news, I just burned my penis
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize