Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
