All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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