What a fucking waste of an outfit
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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