Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
