what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
