i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize