I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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