This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize