508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize