no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
