Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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