nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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