I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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