whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
