she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
