Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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