she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
