A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
