I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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