I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize