and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
