I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
