i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
