You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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