Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
