Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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