she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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