i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
