we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
