omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
