I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
