Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
