I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
