i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
