Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
