When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
