I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
