im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
