Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
