i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
