i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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