lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
