Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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