Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
