Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
